THE SPOON-BENDING DETECTIVE

In the mystical world of childhood

My mother often claimed to be psychic, which is ironic considering that she suffered a lifelong inability to notice anyone’s feelings except her own. She was in fact one of the least psychic people I have ever known, although to be fair she did have an uncanny knack for knowing exactly the worst thing to say or do at any given moment, so maybe she was more of a visionary than I’m giving her credit for.

When I was very young, however, I had no doubts that my mother was in touch with the world of spirits. She claimed she could see the future and get messages from other worlds, and I – being a tiny little idiot – believed every word. She once told me an elaborate story of how she came across a peasant’s cottage in the back garden, and saw people in old-timey clothing who stared at her as though she were the ghost. I actually do believe this, because appearing as a terrifying spectre in other people’s lives and haunting them forever with the question ‘why did this happen to me’ is exactly the kind of thing my mother was good at.

Hello! Very brief interruption to let you know this is a post from my memoir-in-fragments (or whatever it is), A Brief History of Lies. These posts are for my paying subscribers, so if you want to read the whole thing, you’ll have to cough up! On the other hand, if you don’t want to get emails from me at all, there are two options available to you. One is to change your settings in substack so you only see posts in the app or on the website itself. (That’s what I do - works for me!) The other is to unsubscribe completely. If you need help with either of those things, just reply to this email and I’ll sort it out for you. I don’t keep tabs on my subscribers, and you’re free to come and go as you please without any pressure from me. Do what you want! See if I care! I’m just so grateful to all of you for being part of The Distractionist.